Self Acceptance & Overcome It!

23:26 rafi 4 Comments

"Accept yourself unconditonally. You don't need other people to approve you, accept and love yourself just the way it is" - Unknown

Source: Personal Growth Ideas

As a human, we are imperfect. It might be came from our body, or come from our brains, or even come from our environment. I was lucky enough to be born from middle-upper class family, that's already honored by others due to my father's successful business story -at least- on my hometown. Many believe I am lucky enough to be born on the "perfect" family, that's not so having any financial issues at all.

There might be right and wrong. But I must admit, what they were seeing definitely things in the surface. They didn't know that my mother was sick for very long time, cancer, until God's taking her to His lap. They didn't know that my father raised us by himself, have tried to have "second marriage" but only last in a week since his second wife had same sickness called cancer. And he didn't want to take a chance to have the same feeling that he was broken apart after losing my mom.

They didn't know that my father had 2 children that's really hard to maintain & manage, and somehow had no interest to continue live and didn't know what they want to be.

The list keep going on, and would never finish till I stop typing by myself, right? That's what happened when you focus on your weaknesses.

Self awareness definitely a thing that you should have. You should know what your strength and your weaknesses. You should know what your passion, goals, and what do you want to be, at least in the short term, yet you need to manage it on the long term. However ...... What's next? Let say you have broken down the list of your weakness. That you're not smart enough, that you're not discipline enough, that you're not independent enough. This is where the next stage should come. Acceptance.

You need to accept your current conditions. I always do this stuff till now. "Acceptance and Overcome". That's what I called as the next stage of self-awareness.

"Based on IQ and Aptitude test on ITB. I found that my IQ was 120 -which is above average- but based on the behaviorial test, they told me I am not independent enough. I am not brave enough to speak up my mind. I am overthinking that whenever I asked the lecturer about something, my friends going to judge me as "nerd" or something. Or someone that's only taking lecturer's attention"

This was by far, what I lacked. I am overthinking, and not confident enough. I am now aware with that.

So?

"So?" is always be the follow up question from me. After being aware with something, I used to ask myself what's next. What kind of things I can do about it, to overcome my weaknesses. I am breaking down the possibilities, prioritize, and just do it already.

Let's take an example from my "not-so confident & independent stuff". I broke down, to overcome my confident and be more independent, I need to be accepted on my former dormitory, called Asrama Bumi Ganesha. Why? In here, I would learn about leadership & of course time management. We were given so many tasks such as doing socialization to the seniors -this is where the confident came from-, and we should create a big event with at least Bandung city in scale. Leadership, at some case, definitely would help me to be more independent in life, coz if you want to lead people, you need to be able lead yourself first. This is the most logical ways I thought.

"It seems impossible until it's done" - Nelson Mandella

I did it. I push myself to the limit, to manage all of the task, without forgetting my academic task as well, and maintain to be accapted as a member.  It's pretty exhausting of course. On 1-3 months, we had target to socialize with all of the dormitory's member, at the same time, we had so many academic tasks to do, as well as mid-term and final examination for each semester.

Source: Paradox of Self Acceptance

Another example of course, when I was aware that my public speaking is so suck. Just like the mediocry persons would be, I would have stage fever whenever I should speak my mind in front of the others. I would be shaken,  my voice going to sound tremble, and I would be heard "mumbling" because I can't say the word clearly. I do have a lot of thing to say, but it's just couldn't be taken out from my mouth.

"Ok Rafi, glad you have been aware. So?"

Reharse! Rehearse and Rehearse! This is the only solution for public speaking. It's definitely like piloting the plane. At first, you might be nervous as fuck. But let them be. Just do it already, feel the sensation. And rehearse!

At first, I was literally mumbling, shaken, and somehow "black out". But at the second time, the voice seems to be clearer, even though I was still shaken, but it's definitely lesser from the first one. I keep rehearse and rehearse. It takes at least 2 hours to make it easier, and Alhamdulillah I could manage the presentation.

Yes, that's the presentation for "Outstanding students" competition. At least my dean -somehow- believed and saw me take it more seriously. And Alhamdulillah, the first time our major could represent the Faculty of Earth Science and Technology.

This was - of course - the first big stage I have, where I should present in front of ITB student back then. I realized I haven't been good enough. I swear to you, my rivals definitely so freaking good, that they can speak english so fluently, and it feels that "ITB" stage obviously not so big for them already. Haha.


When you aware, accept, and overcome. In the process, you'll be more aware about something much bigger. You will not be satisfied enough with your progress, that what you're doing is learning and learning. You desperately want to be a better person from time to time, and somehow there's no "enough" word in your mind. And ..... you're enjoy with the learning process you have.

If you have a rough and really bad past. Just accept it. Forgive yourself and move on. Don't let past justified you in the present and in the future.

If you have something in your mind, just express it ! Don't let your assumption define the present, push your back, and discouraged you to convey your feeling and ideas.

If you have any doubt to yourself i.e. you're not clever enough, that you're dishonest, that you have bad habbit and stuff. Always asked your closest one, and seek any confirmation whether it's true or not. Tbh, mostly you can answer it by yourself, and if you're aware this is true, you need to trust yourself that you're not going to be like that anymore. It's within in your past, and let them be, and keep changing to be an ideal person for yourself, and always value yourself more. 

Conclusion

Self awareness is always be the first step. Next, you need to accept that you're just the way you are. If someone said that you're stupid, don't stop with being aware with it. You need to accept it, and overcome it. Don't ever let their judgement to be true. You always have chances to prove it wrong by thinking and doing how to overcome this from you. You need to know that you're definitely bigger from any judgment or justification they or you made for yourself. You are smarter enough. You are beautiful enough. You are stronger enough. And the list keep going on !