Selamat hari Ayah!

22:04 rafi 0 Comments

Tentang Hari Ayah

Ketahuilah, seberapapun aku benci dengan keluarga ini, akan ada 1 orang penyabar yang selalu mengingatkan. Dan itu adalah ayahku. Orangnya lembut, ngga pernah marah sama sekali. Wataknya hampir 180 derajat dari Mamak. Iya, mamak kami dulu super kejam dan ditakuti. Jika saja beliau masih hidup, mungkin keluarga ini akan menjadi sangat sempurna.

Kenapa? Sosok mamak yang sangat demanding, anaknya harus A, harus B, dan harus C pastilah akan lengkap dengan sosok Ayah yang lemah lembut dan super supportive. Sayang sekali, sosok yang ditakut-takuti itu pergi duluan, hinggalah kami ditinggalkan dengan Ayah, yang super lembut tadi.

Alhasil? Well, simple. Hasil tes BK waktu di ITB tidak bohong. Hasil menunjukkan kalau aku dulu masih super ga mandiri. Takut kesana, takut kesini, walaupun anaknya partentengan, tapi kalau urusan ngomong sama orang pasti jipernya ga karuan. "Kenapa? Malu? Ar ar, apa yang kau malukan?" Ejek ayahku waktu dulu.

Alhamdulillah, hasil keluar dan aku tahu. Anaknya pun memutuskan untuk berubah, menjadi lebih mandiri dan sebisa mungkin untuk ngga manja sama Ayah. Semester tiap semester, ketika aku udah beradaptasi dengan cara belajarnya anak-anak Jawa, menemukan "click"nya, dan hobby mencoba sana-sini. Waktu mulai di-manage, uang apalagi. Kuliah bela2in masuk Asrama supaya hidup super murah. Alhamdulillah juga bisa belajar organisasi sana-sini.

"Udah mulai mandiri" pungkasku.

Hingga semester 6 pun datang tak terbendung, mendapat cobaan anggota kelompok yang luar biasa "menguji coba", intensitasku menelfon ayah pun naik! Awalnya seminggu sekali, jadi 2 hari sekali. Sering nangis, sering curhat, dan lagi-lagi ayah cuman bisa bilang "Semangat, ayah pasti akan selalu mendoakanmu disini. Udah makan kau? Kau jaga kesehatanmu yah. Gausah kau paksa kali supaya dapat nilai bagus. Yang penting kau sehat."

Iya. Si tua bangka yang super cuek ini bisa se-supportive itu. Haduh. Kalau difikir-fikir, kalo ga ada Ayah, suicidal thought gue mungkin bisa ga terbendungi. Ayah ini luar biasa. Kasih sayang dia jelas sepanjang masa :( Sayang banget, ga semua anaknya belum bisa se-supportive itu. Bahkan aku, yang masih belum jadi apa-apa.

Ayah, panjang umurlah! Doakan anakmu di perantauan ini .... Aku menunda urusan cinta bukan karena apa-apa, karena engkau loh Ayah! Saat ini fokusku hanya untukmu, untukmu, untukmu, barulah adik-adikku.

Selamat hari Ayah!

My Passion and Perseverance Score

00:21 rafi 0 Comments

Hai everyone!

Tonight I am going to share to you about my current passion and perseverance score that I received from Grit Book.

Just for your info, I am currently reading Grit from Angela Duckworth books about Passion and Perseverance itself. Why? Because this was recommended by mas Iman Usman, as CPO of Ruangguru when he was talking about the entrepreneurship, I asked him how to have growth minded and he told me to read this book (ok, I am sold).

Baiq. So far, I have read 4 chapters in the last 2 days, and I am just ...... this book is just so breath-taking. Some of the story is relatable, some of them had perseverance and passion to the next level. As someone who's believe in having growth minded, I am definitely #TeamEffort rather than #TeamGenius. However, as far as I didn't choose Genius wins, me myself and I sometimes had this bias that someone just born to be that talented or genius, without seeing from another persective which is the full story of them.

This book will make you ask the same question over and over again "Is it true?" before jumping to conclusion that someone born to be it or not. And I am so grateful with what Angela tried to tell us here.

We know something that Talent is something, and some might take a benefit from it. Not everyone had high IQ, not everyone had the ability to learn so fast. BUT, most of the time, we used to be distracted by the talent itself. We think that we can do it easily, so we give the least effort for it, or even STOP learning.

"Whenever you think you are good enough, whenever you satisfied with what you have now, whenever you think you already understand the whole thing (which you might not), that will be the time you will stop learning."

Next, I also learned something so special and just realized that I am currently being so busy with things that might not really matter for me. I am not focused enough, I am in this perspective that It's oke to be generalist, but somehow being this one would make me not that focus, and of course, everyone's time is limited, and me, somehow will waste this precious time that's not gonna be significant for my life.

So, yes, I will re-define my goals soon, and will share to you guys, because sharing the goal is an important process to make yourself accountable and will make you more responsible to focus in it before developing another goals. 

OK.

I was on this chapter 4, talking about "How gritty I am".

Angela already designed this test that can be used to measure our current perseverance and passion score. If we combined this, we somehow can get the average score, and see how grit we are compare to the xx% of the sample.

Here's the rule:

From the questions, just read it, dont overthinking it and ask yourself by comparing -not only your family, friends, or your environment- but also most of people.

Next, circle which one the best answer for each question. Calculate it and divide it into 10!

And here is my score!

I choose not giving up, now :)

20:35 rafi 0 Comments

Confused.

The only word that can describe my feeling to my brother.

Basically, it's been a month since I didn't really care about what he's doing now. Simply because I felt to give-up for him. It's not that I don't want to help him anymore, but .... I just confused how. I have tried so many ways for encouraging him. At least to be more responsible person, for HIMSELF. You know, I didn't expect him to be that outstanding or outliers person, because I am afraid that what I want .... But, if he can be responsible, try to study more seriously, do not come home late, do not sleep like in the early morning (currently he sleeps on 3-4 AM now, which completely not normal). It's not that he's doing homework or something, like I used to do when I was on 6th Semester, but it's more likely he's just gaming back then or simply SCROLLING the fucking Instagram.

Dude.....

Be more responsible lah.

Lately, for the last 1 Month, I can't even reach him, or simply talk to him because our hour is completely different.

He's not there on 8-12 PM, cant be contacted, not even read my Direct Message on instagram and stuff. I don't know what he's doing and ..... Just like that, he will be home on 2/3/4 AM, like that's nearly morning right :(

Another thing, when I woke up, he's still sleeping, and just like that, it's almost 1 month we didn't have any deep convo.

I don't know what's wrong, is it me that boring as fuck? Or is it me that controlling his time so much? Not really, I completely support his activity IF he can manage his responsible first. I don't want he repeats his study over and over again, and not developing himself personally.

What makes me sad more ...... I already promise my sister that I will take care of him, because simply I just don't want to give him up, everyone deserves a second chance, right? Even I was a stupid student but with more effort, I somehow can manage to be smart ass. Giving so many example why and how, he gave you that "Listening" face, seems like he's thinking what he just did to us, to me and MY FATHER and all of persons that believe he can do it ...... But then, just like that, he keep doing shit over and over again. He didn't even think what he's doing wrong :( I mean, I decided to not leave in Bogor because I hope I can help him to change and tell him what to do but then, I felt like I am worthless and not giving anything.

Argh, I confused.

For the bottom of my heart, I don't want to give up, but I need a prove, I need a word that He wants to change himself, to be more useful, to be more cleaver, more diligent, or anything that can support him positively. Is it even possible? I really hope so.....

To my brother, If you read this, please know that: