I choose not giving up, now :)
Confused.
The only word that can describe my feeling to my brother.
Basically, it's been a month since I didn't really care about what he's doing now. Simply because I felt to give-up for him. It's not that I don't want to help him anymore, but .... I just confused how. I have tried so many ways for encouraging him. At least to be more responsible person, for HIMSELF. You know, I didn't expect him to be that outstanding or outliers person, because I am afraid that what I want .... But, if he can be responsible, try to study more seriously, do not come home late, do not sleep like in the early morning (currently he sleeps on 3-4 AM now, which completely not normal). It's not that he's doing homework or something, like I used to do when I was on 6th Semester, but it's more likely he's just gaming back then or simply SCROLLING the fucking Instagram.
Dude.....
Be more responsible lah.
Lately, for the last 1 Month, I can't even reach him, or simply talk to him because our hour is completely different.
He's not there on 8-12 PM, cant be contacted, not even read my Direct Message on instagram and stuff. I don't know what he's doing and ..... Just like that, he will be home on 2/3/4 AM, like that's nearly morning right :(
Another thing, when I woke up, he's still sleeping, and just like that, it's almost 1 month we didn't have any deep convo.
I don't know what's wrong, is it me that boring as fuck? Or is it me that controlling his time so much? Not really, I completely support his activity IF he can manage his responsible first. I don't want he repeats his study over and over again, and not developing himself personally.
What makes me sad more ...... I already promise my sister that I will take care of him, because simply I just don't want to give him up, everyone deserves a second chance, right? Even I was a stupid student but with more effort, I somehow can manage to be smart ass. Giving so many example why and how, he gave you that "Listening" face, seems like he's thinking what he just did to us, to me and MY FATHER and all of persons that believe he can do it ...... But then, just like that, he keep doing shit over and over again. He didn't even think what he's doing wrong :( I mean, I decided to not leave in Bogor because I hope I can help him to change and tell him what to do but then, I felt like I am worthless and not giving anything.
Argh, I confused.
For the bottom of my heart, I don't want to give up, but I need a prove, I need a word that He wants to change himself, to be more useful, to be more cleaver, more diligent, or anything that can support him positively. Is it even possible? I really hope so.....
To my brother, If you read this, please know that:
Please don't give up for yourself, no matter it is, we will try to support you, However please keep in mind, not everyone has that energy to always support you, and don't make us give-up on you ya :)
Love always,
Your Brother
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